From time to time most of us reach these milestones along our journeys that aren’t achievements per se but a point of pause and questioning where we’re not quite sure of what we’re doing or if what were doing is what we really want to be doing or if we’re doing things right, whatever the definition of “right” is to each of us and I’ve been a little stuck on these milestones recently and while trying to work through them I thought maybe other people were had the same feeling sometimes and I’m thinking of exploring these feelings here from time to time.
Ever since starting this blog, the hardest thing I’ve had to battle with (and still do) is choosing what direction to take this blog in. Being one of those infamous Jacks Of All Trades it’s a constant struggle for me wanting to write about multiple, seemingly unrelated things and finding the right place to put them in, hence my many (3) blogs. I’ve struggled with wanting to write about a few very personal things but also giving this space more of a structure and rigorous “theme” but sometimes it feels very forced and unnatural.
Reading through other blogs and websites that talk about the various things I’m interested in, there seems to be a specific way to talk about certain topics. There are certain post structures, action phrases, there seems to be a formula for “how to give advice” or “how to write an inspiring motivational post” or “how to talk about personal finance” but none of them ever feels quite right. In the spirit of trying to find the perfect fit for I feel like I drifted off into trying to write like everybody else and not being true to what feels natural and comfortable and intuitive for Me.
This space in particular seems to be the one I have the hardest time with from choosing “how” I write to “what” I write about to the blog theme and font size and I always end up feeling uneasy and not completely happy with each post. I think I kind of found my footing here on the last 3 or 4 posts but this blog in particular continues to puzzle me. I thought I’d be happy when more people started engaging but that didn’t really help; I thought more traffic on the blog might give me a clearer vision into what people want me to write about but that’s not it either. It’s a learning process that seems to be a little harder than I initially anticipated and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it yet or what to do to make this space feel more comfortable for me.
I’ve recently come across a few people and things that have been helping me find a way to best communicates what I want the essence of this blog to be and slowly but surely I’m getting to a place where what I write here is a better representation of me and how I want my messages to be received.
Continuing to write definitely played a huge part in this mission to find my most authentic writing voice. The drafts folder is filled with fully and partially written articles and posts that didn’t feel quite right hence the silence and lack of posts recently. Continuing to write and “fail” has helped me find what I don’t want my writing to be and that in term is helping me figure out what I do want it to be and it was a weird concept to grasp for me at first but eventually it sunk in and I’m going to continue to fail here until I do get it “right”.
These are definitely things I’d like to explore further, regarding other areas of life so I might be back soon with another one of these. Please bear with me while I Figure Things Out and thank you for hanging out with me for so long.
I’l leave you with a quote I have hanging in my room, it kind of sums up everything that’s been going on quite perfectly and it’s a note I always try to keep in mind whenever things get difficult or I feel uneasy about how I express myself creatively.
“What nobody tells people who are beginners — and I really wish someone had told this to me … is that all of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, and it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not.
But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase. They quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it’s normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story.
It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
– Ira Glass